The changing room....

So this evening I went to the gym to do my 25min easy run. Which was fine. Then I went for a dip in the pool, and a flop in the steam room. So far so pleasant. Running went without a hitch, so I was happy about that as its my last one before the 10km.
So then I went and had a shower and went to the changing room. Ah the changing room. What a wondrous place.
I went into the bit where my locker was, retrieved my things from the locker and started to remove my swimsuit. There was someone elses stuff on the bench but I though nothing of it until after I had rolled off my soggy swimsuit and I heard the click of the private cubicle in that area.

Out of the private cubicle pops a lovely, spritely, tiny fit looking gym nymph. Now DISCLAIMER- I am not dissing this lady for being little and tiny and fit and petit and tiny and fit and young and lovely- I go to a gym that likes to think its quite exclusive and smart and it attracts many spritely young fit things. It does spinning at pre coffee type times in the morning for the love of all things holy! SO this young springy small lady comes out of the cubicle (fully dressed) and proceeds to sit down to dry her feet. (I just give mine a cursory wipe on the towel when its on the floor but hey! If she has time to dry between each (tiny) toe then all power to her.) I meanwhile was trying not to flash my ample bits at the poor girl. Now I have no qualms about stripping off in communal areas- I have 4 kids and I think there are only about 3 members of staff left at Southmead Hospital who haven't seen my fouffe, and I share a school run with one of my old midwives, and every time we give a cheery wave in the morning I snigger at the thought of the fact she's seen bits of me I haven't!
So back to the changing room and Im trying to get changed without scaring the poor girl......As I mentioned in a previous blog post I have been stuffing my face lately and have put on a few pounds. Now the first thing that stops fitting when I put on weight is my pants. So I arranged my towel around my neck to cover my (pendulous) bosoms and and jump into my pants quickly. However when it then came to wrestling my (enormous) bosoms into my bra my pants kept rolling down under my belly. It was like when you try to put a rat with rigour mortis in an old tea bag box and its tail keeps springing out. What? You've never done that? Remind me to tell you that story at a later date

So anyway- my knickers are rolling down, my boobs are covered finally by my (DD) bra and I go to put on my (skinny) jeans. Well, not skinny, as they are a size bigger than a 14,  but they are skinny fit.
Ever tried to put skinny fit jeans on after swimming? (she's still drying her feet btw)
So I get my jeans over my feet, (did I mention I have big scabs and bruises on my feet and knees where I "had a fall" last week) so Im hopping into my jeans making "heave" noises like a one woman tug o war team trying to avoid my hurty bits.  I get my jeans on, and reach for my top so I can stop scaring the poor girl. I mean, we are both adult females, but our bodies are about as far removed as, say, a gorilla, and a marmoset. At that point I realise that the make up I applied carefully this morning is now down my face so I look like a semi naked Alice Cooper.
Finally the lovely lady leaves and gives me a shy smile as she goes (bless her). I wipe my face with a wipe to remove the make up (finally! a useful thing in my gym bag) and go to put my shoes on.......
Except I have forgotten my bloody shoes, so back on go my sweaty trainers for the walk to the car with the "I forgot my normal shoes but have my normal clothes on" walk of shame................