Lip up Fatty or How many bowling balls are in YOUR pants?

So today I mentioned to a (male) friend about Sundays 10k. "Oh yes" said He. "You're running it aren't you, although, to be fair with YOUR running speed its more like walking pace" *guffaw*
He then went on to justify saying this by saying "well I guess if someone like me *points at own skinny physique* were to run with your extra weight it would be slow too, as it would be like I was running carrying bowling balls cos of the extra weight"........

Now for some reason I have been feeling more and more apprehensive about the 10k as it approaches. I was very slow last year and this year I feel I may be equally as slow or slower but I've been feeling ok about it as I have run consistently for the last 6 months and whilst Im still slow, for the first time ever I'm still doing it and have longer term goals to keep me going. With the support of my running buddies I have made peace with my weightloss goals and slow running style.

Why then did that one comment make me start up all the negative thoughts again. My internal monologue said "see- why are you even attempting a 10k again? you were shit last time you'll be shit again. You are a laughing stock. Everyones just humouring you. You will always be the fat bird at the back and have you SEEN your bum in your running leggings?" and so on.

I feel absolutely devastated that one off cuff comment could hurt so much. He is not a nasty man, and is quite good friend. I genuinely think he just "didn't" think. He is a runner. Maybe he thinks women shouldn't run? Maybe he's gutted he can't do the 10k (I know he's working sunday)? Maybe fat runners offend him?

I did what I needed to in this situation.....I went to my friends on #thismumruns and have had more ressurance than I could have dreamt of. And I have remembered that I am proud......

*I am proud of my body that has produced 4 wonderful children over the last 18 years
* I am proud of the fact I run despite having a nasty disease (Crohns) and being on hardcore medication that I have inject myself with bi-weekly and being so anaemic I have iron infusions
* I am proud of the fact I have a fantastic husband who is nothing but supportive of me in every thing I do, running included (he is online booking us flights to Dublin for a couple of nights away as I type this)
*I am proud that I was Mays "fat runner of the month" on toofattorun.co.uk
*I am proud that I have found the best group of running mates a girl could wish for who champion me every step of the way and I can always rely on to pick up my metaphorical bowling balls, should they ever metaphorically fall out of my pants on  race day!!!
Between us we have more balls than any cruel hearted man could ever dream of having in his pants!!

XXXX